Friday, August 25, 2006

That ball of anxiety

So I'm having trouble sleeping.

The last time I suffered from a bout of insomnia, I had just finished my thesis and bacc and found myself momentarily with nothing to do.

I don't really think that's the problem this time. Although, if I had more to do, I'd probably be sleeping just fine.

I feel like a ball of anxiety. This is unusual for me. Stress is usual; anxiety, while a cousin to stress, is not a usual problem for me.

My life is very surreal. I look around my plush Manhattan apartment and wonder how the hell I ended up here. All the normal 'little things' that happen to push you into just this place at this time. I sold Arielle's loft today, and the guy that picked it up kept saying over and over again how nice the building was. Yup, I should not be living here. I should be living in a little Brooklyn walk-up, paying half this amount. But I'm here, which means I get to be anxious about money. I'm going to have to figure out how not to be anxious about money, because I could very well end up being anxious for the entirety of the semester, seeing as how I won't run out until the end. That's the problem with getting all your money in a lump sum at the beginning.

I wanted to finish my New College scrapbook before school started, but I'm not even halfway through, and I appear to have lost all motivation. I have only Friday and Saturday left as a free woman. I could possibly get two or three pages done, but that's probably about it. So maybe I'll just take it out on slow weekends and do a page here and there. But I really should try to finish it in the near future. I don't really want it as a project...I want it as a finished keepsake. Wow, that's so dorky. I am a sentimental dork.

Hmmm, I see that my cat has usurped my place on the bed. Silly kitty. Time to skooch him over.


noell said...

my happy hippy therapist always told me to breathe when i got all weird and anxiety-ish... so hey syd, breathe!

you are silly and sentimental, but that's part of you being you.... i think once school starts you wont have enough time to worry or wonder about everything else... so you should live in a buble for the last two days of freedom and just do something that makes you happy... and breathe a lot...


Anonymous said...

Nah, you're right, you're a dork.

And you said "skootch". With a k. Which makes as much sense as anything else, but isn't how I'd imagine it would be spelled. Why people feel the need to invent words, I really don't know... I haven't managed to grasp all the real ones out there yet. I think it's because you think sk8 boi is cool.