Friday, September 09, 2005

New College, you moved on without me!

New College moved on without us. That's what Laura and I have decided. It used to be OUR school. We knew everyone, and everyone we didn't know knew us.

Now we're strangers in a place that's supposed to be ours. I mean, we're still students. This was supposed to be our heyday. We're thesis students for god sakes. But no, we don't know this place anymore.

It's funny, though, because I see these kids and they do these things and they use these words, and they have no idea why. But I do. I know where they came from. I remember.

I love my institutional's long...but there's no one to pass it on to .

And I miss people. My people. No one in particular. No one more than the others, I just miss them collectively. I miss the school that was mine, say, my second year or so. I want those people back.

So Laura and I are going to start the "we used to be cool" crew and sit on the bench. Ha.

I know it sounds pathethic, but I feel a little empty these days, now that I don't have a "partner." Perhaps I need something besides work and productivity. I never want to sleep because I feel like there's something I could be doing that would something.

But alas. Gotta sleep. Gotta be at work at 9 tomorrow. This weekend and next weekend are the last two weekends that I don't have to be at work at 9am on Saturday and Sunday. Better enjoy it.

Saturday, September 03, 2005

You know, god forbid I let my life get too stable. I'm not sure why not--I like stable. I like boring. It gives you time to try other things. Better than a life of needless drama.

But no, I have to upset my perfectly stable, calm life.

Not to mention, instead of moving forward, I'm moving backwards. Or, perhaps, in circles. I'm back where I was three (four?) years ago. Of course, I'm not really back, because it's completely different and all. And I'm not really "there" as much as I was visiting. But now my mind's stuck there again. How could I have possibly thought this would be better?

Now instead of being content, supported, and happy...I'm tired, slighly hungover, and more confused than ever.

I suppose my perennial problem is that I'm always trying to skip some stage of my life. (Was that repetitive...perennial...always?) I think the unfortunate truth is that I have to live through certain things, and try certain things, and fail at certain things. And then I get the knowledge--not now. All I need is time...

Ha, and you know how patient I am.