Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Ughy Ughy

I haven't written in so long. I want to write again.

Tonight's a strange night. I didn't get up until almost 4 today, so it should feel early (it's not quite midnight). But, on the other hand, Sean's already in bed, and that makes it feel late. I feel sort of fuzzy and strange.

Yesterday I had this good-bad day thing going on. I felt awful when I woke up, as I couldn't get to sleep the night before. I was almost 20 minutes late to class, so I felt pretty stupid about that, too. Then, in my 2nd class I got an evaluation for leading discussion with my group of 3, and I felt the whole page-long evaluation was way too focused on the fact that I led too much, and I felt stupid and angry. So then, my prof split us up into groups to discuss the four chapters we read and summarize them for the class. I chose my group based on my desire to not move. I decided I wouldn't participate, since I already participate too much. After almost 10 minutes of just sitting there and nodding and agreeing to write our summary, I realized this strategy wasn't going to work: the other two members of my group had no clue what the article was about. So, I explained it to them.

I went home for lunch, and wished I had a microwave. Warming up leftover chinese food in a toaster oven is just not so cool, and the plate gets too hot.

At 2, I went to the counseling and wellness center, beucase I had this appt. I was trying to get a prescription for a sleep study, and I had called them, and they said Anne might could help me, and set up an appt. When I came in, Anne said that she had no idea why they had sent me to get, that she can't write prescriptions, and she thought it sounded strange that I just wanted to get a sleep study done, out of the blue like that. I explained that my dad had been treating me for a long time. She said 'why do you get him to write a prescription?'. I told her she lost his medical lisence, and she just kinda looked at me. I felt dumb. I wanted to jump in and say 'listen, my dad might be a crappy human being, but he's a good doctor...don't look at me that way.' after that, my eyes started to tear up, and when I realize I could barely contain it anymore, I left.

I started crying in my car. I don't know why. I cried all the way home, and then went upstairs, and curled up in my bed, and cried some more.

I was still in a bad mood when Sean got home. Newspaper cheered me up a little bit, but no one was supportive of my story idea, even though I felt like everyone had liked it the previous Friday. I felt dumb again.

Finally, when I got home, my day looked up. I had two pieces of mail. One was my reimbursement check from Americorps that I had been waiting for for forever, and the other was from First Financial Bank. I assumed that it was a credit card denial (that's all I ever get), but lo and behold, it was an acceptance! I was so excited I Read the whole letter outloud to Sean, and he laughed at me. It's only got a $150 credit line, but considering my awful credit, anything is great, and you can work to get up. So even though I never wanted a credit card before, I'm excited.

The day got worse again at the end, for no particular reason. I guess credit cards can't completely stave off a bad mood. I couldn't get to sleep, for the second night in a room, and that's why I ended up sleeping until 3:30 today. The Public Affairs guy called me to set up an interview, but not that I'm not doing my story, I don't want to call him back. I should, though, because it's rude not to. Hopefully I can call tomorrow and he won't be there. I'm glad I'm not writing a story this week. It's nice. I've already written 5 stories in the last 4 weeks.

I'm frustrated tonight because I don't feel like doing any work. Since I don't really have anything that I have to do, it's pretty easy to get away with not doing any work...but I had hoped to get started on narrowing down my sources for my papers or whatnot. Oh well, maybe I still can. I had such valient hopes of getting so much accomplished today, but all of that kinda went kapoot after I didn't get up all day. I don't really feel like going to class tomorrow. It's okay, I know it will be over soon, and then I can come home and do something productive, like rearrange my drawers, which I'm sorta excited about, and hope works okay. I'm such a dork.

Alright, I'm off. I really am going to try to keep up on the writing thing now. I need to for my own self-preservation. It's good for me. Just gotta keep that in mind.

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